Music Shit

If you need consulting, or digital services, or machine learning, or whatever… you know the drill. I’m not taking any management clients. I’m not a PR agency. I run machine learning segmented ads, I make baller-ass websites, and I produce dope videos.

Writing, TV, Film, and Shit

I have an agent, but typically I’m going to speak for myself. So if you contact me, know that my agent will be cc’d, but I prefer to be able to make my own introductions. He also doesn’t like when I mention him publicly, because I’m the type of person who gets regular death threats, and he sees that as a negative.

Tech Shit

I have done this a long time, and I probably know something about whatever you’re going to tell me, but I just want to make it clear that I don’t enjoy working for other people, and it’s rare that I’m going to sign an NDA to hear your bad idea.

I’m not keen on startups, and if you’re asking for my advice, I want you to understand my consulting fees ain’t cheap. I have done this for 17 years now, so there’s a reason you’re asking me, and it’s because you know my opinion is worth money.

Political Shit

My machine learning fee is $25,000 to run a single state model for campaigns, and $40,000 for nationwide model for lobbyists. If you think that’s a lot of money, you don’t understand what I do, and I can’t help you.

I don’t work on Republican campaigns, and if your firm does lobbying I think is shitty, I won’t take your money.

No, I will not negotiate a lower rate. No, I will not accept payments. I need to be part of what you’re doing before you launch your website, or a single video ad. If you already have all that going on, you have polluted your data, and I can’t help you.

Legal Shit

After the whole thing went down with the van story, I got a ton of death threats and shit — so like… don’t be a fucking idiot. It may take me a ton of time, but I file police reports for every single threat. The moment you submit anything to this contact form, I’m tagging your IP address, along with a shit ton of other data. (In case you’re wondering, no, your VPN won’t save you.) In short, don’t be a dumbass. If you hate me, hate me. But don’t catch a case over some feelings you got on the internet.

Real Life Shit

I’m a husband, and I’ll soon be a father. I live in the great State of Texas, where you’re allowed to defend yourself, your family, and your property. Don’t be one of those people who sends me a death threat online, and thinks that I won’t remember you threatened my life. I don’t know how crazy you are, but I want you to know that I’m definitely capable of protecting myself, my wife, and my son.